Who do senior leaders think out loud with? Why executives hire a coach

Most senior leaders think out loud with an executive coach, because there's almost nobody else they can be completely honest with. Your team can't hear everything, your peers are often part of the problem you're working through, and the people at home love you but don't live inside your world. A good coach is the one person you can untangle it all with before you walk into the room.

I've worked alongside leaders for twenty years, and the ones I admire most all have someone they talk this stuff through with. Having that person is part of how good leaders stay good.

Why is it so lonely at the top?

The higher you go, the smaller the circle of people you can be straight with. You can't tell your team you're worried about the restructure, because they'll worry too. You can't tell your peers you think the strategy is off, because some of them wrote it. Your partner and your friends try, and they mean well, but they don't really get the commercial pressure or the politics, and after a long day you don't always want to explain it all again at the dinner table.

So a lot of leaders end up carrying it on their own. They think it through at 2am, or in the car, or not at all. And when you don't get to say it out loud, it stays tangled. You walk into the big conversation with half a thought and a lot of feeling, and that's when things go sideways.

What does a coach actually do in those conversations?

Mostly I help leaders get clear. You bring me the thing that's sitting on your chest, we talk it through, and somewhere in the middle of you saying it out loud, you hear it differently. I'll build on what you've said, reflect your own words back to you, and ask the question that moves you from stuck to clear.

A lot of the work is preparation. Before the conversation with the Chair, the CEO or your boss, we work out what you actually want from it, what they're likely to push back on, and the words you'll use to open. Then afterwards we debrief. What landed, what didn't, what you'd do differently, and what happens next. That rhythm of prepare and debrief is where leaders grow fastest, because we're working on the real moments in your week.

I'm also direct when it helps. One leader I coach was weighing up a role two steps above where she was. I told her I didn't think it was the one to go for right now, and that the role one step up was where I'd want her. We built a plan around the feedback she'd been given, and a specific ask for her manager. That's the kind of conversation you can't easily have with anyone else at work.

Why weekly, and why never monthly?

I coach online, weekly, or fortnightly at a stretch. Never monthly, and that's on purpose.

A month is too long. So much happens in a month at senior level that by the time you sit down, you're catching up on what already happened instead of shaping what's coming. Weekly means we're working on this week's decisions, this week's conversations and this week's board paper. It builds a habit of thinking clearly, and that habit is what sticks.

And when things get hard between sessions, my leaders can call me. Before a tough commercial conversation, to use me as a sounding board. After one, to debrief. Sometimes just to talk through how they feel about it. That's part of being someone's person.

What should a good executive coach bring?

Two things, and you need both.

The first is an understanding of the business. Operations, strategy, the commercial side. If your coach doesn't get how the numbers work or why a decision is hard, they can't help you think it through properly.

The second is an understanding of behaviour and language. How people hear things, why that one peer always gets under your skin, how to say the hard thing in a way that actually lands. This is where a lot of leaders find the biggest shifts.

When a coach has both, they help you see the situation differently and work out what to do next. And a good coach will also keep reminding you who you are, what you stand for and what you're working towards. In my Leadership Framework I call that Clarity, Consistency and Connection. When you're out of alignment, that's what brings you back.

How do I know if I need a coach?

A few signs I see again and again:

• You're thinking through big decisions on your own, late at night.
• You're stepping into a bigger role, or you want one, and you're not sure how to get there.
• You've got a high-stakes relationship upstairs, with a Chair, a CEO or a new boss, and you want to get it right.
• You're good at what you do, and you know there's another level, but you can't quite see what it is.
• You keep having the same frustrating conversation with the same person.

None of those mean you're struggling. Most of the leaders I work with are already really good. They care about their people and their results, and they want to get better. Some of them have worked with me weekly for more than five years, through promotions, new roles and pay rises, and they keep going because it keeps working.

Where do I start?

Start by asking yourself who you think out loud with right now. If the honest answer is "nobody" or "my partner, and they're over it", that's worth paying attention to.

If you'd like a quick, honest read on where your leadership is at, the free Leadership Impact Scorecard takes a few minutes and gives you a good place to start.

And if you're after someone to think out loud with every week, that's part of what I do. If this sounds like you, send me a message.